Chronicles of Voldemort
by CalixB
Summary: Ever imagine what Voldemort's personal life was like? Well look no farther. Chronicles of Voldemort provides you with all the information you ever wanted to know about your favorite dark lord.
1. Green

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter

_A/N: I write this stuff when I'm bored, so there is pretty much no ending._

"Master, we have brought you Harry Potter." Snape pushed Harry to Voldemort.

Voldemort looked at Harry, "So it is true your eyes are green! The movie had lead me astray once again!"


	2. Office

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter

Voldemort was pacing in his office. "Wait! When did I get an office!"


	3. Sad Times

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter

"Master, why are you crying?" asked Snape.

"Why doesn't Ryan Seacrest say **_Seacrest out_**, anymore. I fear he's lost his ways!"


	4. question of the day

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

_**Voldemort's question of the day!**_

Voldemort: Kevin Federline has impregnated Britney Spears once again, and I'm

the bad guy!


	5. Voldemort's todo list

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

_Voldemort's to- do list:_

1. Try and kill Harry Potter

2. Try and kill Harry Potter again after first plan fails

3. Return copy of "_Evil Over Lording for Dummies_" to the library

4. Buy Justin Timberlake's new Cd

5. Find out the meaning of life

6. Try to kill Harry Potter after plan 1 and 2 both fail


	6. Can't think of a Title

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

_A/N: I am Tyler. It is my name, or so I'm told. _

Voldemort: Who writes this stupid fanfiction anyway?

Tyler: I do.

Voldemort: Who's there! Is that you Steve Kloves, I should have know you ruin everything! I hate you!


	7. Christmas time

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

"Who got me this Bratz doll?!" asked Voldemort looking anger than ever.

"I did my lord," said Snape.

"Avada Kedavra, I already have this one!"


	8. I wish

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

"My master, your weekly head shaving starts in five minutes. " said Snape looking at Voldemort.

"Snape, I thought I killed you in Chapter 7" asked Voldemort looking confused.

"You did, but the idiot of an author who writes this crappy fanfic brought me back. He didn't want to have to look up how to spell the other death eater names." Snape answered.


	9. Spongebob

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

"You still do need to come my master," said Snape.

"Not right now, I'm watching Spongebob. I've always wondered how they fit so much fun in one little bob?" Voldemort answered Snape.

"I don't know, sir"


	10. Sorry

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter

Sorry, I haven't posted in awhile. I've been busying, well not really, I'm just a lazy bastard.


	11. Bad cliffhanger

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Voldemort walked down the stairs in all his glory, which I must say was not that much. Voldemort was in a bad mood. Lucius Malfoy had used all the shampoo, not that Voldemort really needed it seeing as he was bald, but he did like the way it felt on his bare head. Voldemort wished he had hair, but, no, he was bald. He got to the last step looked out and saw Malfoy and Wormtail eating Lucky Charms.

_A/N: My God a bad cliff hanger, but what the hell!_


	12. Lucky Charms

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

"Why are you guys eating _MY_ cereal?!" Voldemort asked looking livid.

"Master, I am sorry, but all the Trixs are gone and you know that Cheerios give me gas." Wormtail was now bowing to Voldemort.

"Fine, I will not kill either of you, because the author needs at least three death eaters alive." Voldemort responded.

"Darn, I was hoping you would kill me off and I could leave this fanfic." Malfoy looked sad.


	13. Hair part 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

Voldemort was surfing the web on the new computer Wormtail had got him for Christmas. He was looking for a way to grow back his hair, and he had just found it. For only 20 galloens he could get a 2 in 1 hair re-grower. It grows your hair back, and makes a great dipping sauce. He entered his credit card number. It would get here in a week.


	14. Hair part 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

Voldemort had waited a week and was getting mad. It was late, and everyone had been telling him to chill out. First the lady at the store, then the guy who worked at Pizza Hut, and now all his Death Eaters. No! he will not chill out. He wanted his hair, and wanted it now. He had not had a girlfriend for years! Once he got his hair back he would be the talk of the town, he would have seven girlfriends at once. He would drive his Voldiemoile ( Which was an old green moped). No, he only wanted one girl. He wanted -- _ding dong_. He was brought out of his daydreaming by the door bell. He ran to the door, tripped, and got up again and made it to the door. He opened the door, and standing there was a skinny boy holding a package.

"Hello, are you Tom?" asked the boy taking in Voldemort appearance.

Then Voldemort realized he had not changed out of his pink care bare pajamas. "Yes, now give me the frign package!"

Voldemort grabbed the package, and then took out his wand. "_Avada Kedavra!_"

The boy fell. Voldemort shrugged and ran up to his room.


	15. Hair part 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

Voldemort rubbed the cream all over his cold bald head, he wanted long beautiful hair. It said on the back of the box it would take nine hours before he would see results. So he decided not to go down to dinner, but to stay up here and wait. Besides he still had a little of the hair cream left, and it was the perfect dip for potato chips. So there sat Voldemort painting his nails and eating his chips and dip. He waited.

_A/N: Wait to next Chapter and find out what happened!_


	16. Hair part 4 and the last

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

Voldemort woke with a startle. _O no!_ He'd fell asleep, nails half painted. Well he better look, Voldemort walked over to a mirror he closed his eyes. _1...2...3_. He opened his eyes, and what he saw was truly breathtaking. He had sixteen inches of long blonde hair, it was blonder and longer than even Malfoy's hair. He grabbed a comb and started combing his hair. He had the only thing he needed. He could now go ask out the girl of his dream

**A/N: You will find out next chapter who it is! Special Prize for the person who guesses right!**


	17. Voldy's GIRL part 1 of 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter.

**A/N: Not one guess right on the Voldy's girl question! So no one will get the prize of a free copy of Order of Phoenix in Icelandese! **

Voldemort was combing his beautiful hair. He was going to up to Hogwarts, not to destroy Harry Potter, but to ask the lovely Professor McGonagall out on a date (**pawned you all**). She was his crush, but for awhile there it had been Hagrid. That ended when Voldemort found out that Hagrid was a guy. So, now it was the lovely Professor McGonagall, Voldemort was sure with his new hair he could get her. He finished combing his hair, he tied it up in a ponytail, and was off to Hogwarts.


	18. Voldy's GIRL part 2 of 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

Voldemort apperated into Hogsmeade, and started walking towards the castle. As he walked though the village, he noticed that people where looking at him awestruck. He just thought it was because of his sex appeal. He walked though Hogwarts courtyard, he looked at the trees. AW! He saw something very sick, and at the same time very sad. Harry and Ginny where behind a tree kissing. Why was this sad to the Dark Lord, you wonder? See: Voldemort is an Harry/Hermione shipper, but he channeled that sick disturbing image out of his head. He walked up to the castle doors and knocked.


	19. Voldy's GIRL PART 3 of 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

Dumbledore opened the door. _(A/N: This fanfiction does not follow any book, so DD is not dead.)_

"Hello, Albus, sorry about the inconvenience, can I talk to Professor McGonagall?" asked Voldemort nervously.

"Aw, Tom you look a… different," Dumbledore was trying not to laugh.

"Yeah, I used a hair grow formula," Voldy said as he pushed his hand though the gold locks.

"Cool, yeah, you could see Professor McGonagall, but she's on another date." said Dumbledore.

"WITH WHO?!" Voldy yelled awestruck.

"Me! Loser!" and with that Dumbledore mooned Voldemort, and slammed the door on his face.

Voldemort returned to his top secret hideout, defeated.


	20. Voldy's too sexy for a title

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter.

Voldemort cried himself to sleep that night, how could he compete with Dumbledore's good look. Sure, Voldy had the hair, but Dumbledore had a sweet beard. Voldy then decided that he had to win McGonagall's heart, and he had the perfect idea.


	21. Voldemort is bringing sexy back!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

Voldemort woke up the next day, refreshed and delighted at his new idea. He had the perfect plan to win McGonagall's heart back. _(Forgetting that he never had it in the first place)_ He had to go tell the boys. He was so excited he ran downstairs, without combing his blond locks!

"Hey, Wormtail, Snape, Malfoy guess what?!"

"You're going to cut your hair?" asked Malfoy. _(He's been a little bitter ever since Voldy got better hair than him.)_

"You're going to finally follow the plot of the series and try and kill Harry Potter?" asked Snape

"No way, I gave up on that dream in book 5, plus who would take his spot in Wednesday night Bingo?"

"Good point," said Snape,

"I never did finish the 5th book, it was too long," said Wormtail.

"Yeah, I only read the cliffnotes, but seriously guys. We, meaning all of us, are starting a ROCK BAND!"

This idea was brilliant. He would surely get McGonagall, or at least Hagrid. Yes, he could stand Hagrid.


	22. Voldy and the Heartbreakers

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I also don't own Tom Petty or Wizard Rock.

"STOP! STOP! STOP! Snape you're off key!" Voldemort's dream of an awesome band was going very badly _**(A/N:** I will set up the awesome band **Voldy and the heartbreakers**. Okay, **Voldy**: vocals, lyrics**. Snape**: lead guitar, back up vocals. **Malfoy**: back up guitar. **JEFF**: keyboards. **Peter**: drums. Okay, done with that, on with the pointless story!)_

"Snape, do you even know how to play?" Voldemort was very pissed.

"It's not my fault, you're singing to fast!"

"Let's stop arguing and take it from the top!" Voldy was a terrible lead singer.

Voldemort started singing: _I'm too sexy for my nose, too sexy for my nose. So sexy it hurts, I'm too sexy for Hogwarts, too sexy for the world. _

"This is just dumb!" Malfoy threw down his guitar.

"No it's not," yelled Peter, who loved the song, because he did think Voldy was very sexy.

"Guys, this song is good, beside we need to have this perfect by the next month." said Voldemort.

"Why?" asked Peter dumbly.

"It's the battle of the bands at Hogwarts, all the sweet bands will be there. Like Harry and the Potters, and the Remus Lupins. Who oddly is only one person."

"I love that guy."

"Shut up, Rat Boy."

**A/N (2): If you have no idea who these bands are,_(besides Voldy and the heartbreakers)_ look them up on Google!  
**


	23. Voldy and the bingo hell aka longest Ch

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

**A/N : This chapter isn't really following the plot. Voldy's taking a well earn break from the band. Why you ask, well having another band chapter would be boring as hell. I also can't think of anything to write. **

It was Wednesday night, and you know what this means! It's bingo night at Voldemort secret base, which isn't so secret seeing that you could find it on map quest. Enough of that, now let's go on with the chapter.

All the big shots where here, Harry Potter, Frodo Baggins, Wilmer Valderrama, Dumbledore, Al Gore, Dobby, John Madden, and of course Voldemort. The announcer dude or ball reader, as I like to call him, was of course Bob Barker.

You could cut the tension with a knife, well a sharp knife, I'm not so sure about a dull one. Maybe a sword, yeah, you cut the tension with a sword. It was safe too say that no one really liked each other.

Harry and Frodo hated each other, because they both want to be the epic hero who everyone has suspicions was gay. No one knew why John Madden and Al Gore hated each other. Voldy had a feeling it was because Al Gore created the internet before John Madden could.

Out of EVERYONE, no one hated each other as much as Wilmer Valderrama hated Dobby, and Dobby hated Wilmer Valderrama. Well that wasn't the best sentence, but you get the point, right? See: Dobby hated Wilmer, because Dobby was supposed to play Fez on the 70's Show _(I'm sorry best I could come up with!)_. Wilmer Valderrama hated Dobby, because Dobby was the only other person/thing that had more girls that him (Wilmer Valderrama). Well, the reason Voldy and Dumbledore hated each other was simple, they both wanted Professor McGonagall.

The game went well into the night. Bob Barker _(the ball reader)_ yelled B 7.

"Bingo!" yelled Dumbledore.

"No!" yelled Voldemort.

"Dam it!" yelled Wilmer Valderrama, but no one could understand him.

Al Gore was saying something about how he should of won, because he created bingo.

Dobby just banged his head against the table.

John Madden just continued stuffing hot dogs in his mouth.

Harry and Frodo where taking out their hate for each by furiously making out.

Dumbledore walked up to Voldemort and said. "Ha, I win again Voldy! McGonagall dates winners like me, not losers like you."

Voldemort ran up stairs without saying another word, and cried himself to sleep.


	24. lemon of the ade

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

**A/N: Hello, fellow Potter fans, I need to explain some things to you. I'm an American, thus very familiar with the culture, and for mine and your sake: 1. Big V's secret base is located in America. 2. You guys are being too mean to my man V, I mean come on! 3. The whole band plot is pretty much done.  
**

Voldemot was looking through the mail the next morning. He was already very sad, and to make matters worse there where like hundred bills or something. Four hundred dollars for electric, _darn hair dryer_. _(Voldy spends at least 5 hours on his hair each day)_ Between the all the bills he owed 20,000. "How, the hell am I going to pay for this?" Voldmeort asked out loud.

"I know the emergency money!" He ran to his room, he always hid his money under his bed in a box. He grabbed the box and opened it.

"Aw, man" said Voldy, there was nothing in the box, just a note that said I.O.U from Wormtail.

He needed a way to get some money, and just like that a light bulb went off in his head. He could start a lemonade stand!

This would be tricky, he would have to do this all by himself. His crew was taking the day off.

"Dam, henchman union," said Vody out loud.

He got to work, let me tell you something people, he build the best stand in lemonade history. Okay, I might of lied a little, it was an old wooden stand Wormtail had built last year. Wormtail was trying to raise money by opening a kissing booth, oddly enough the only costumer he got was this one old guy with an eye patch.

He got out some paint and wrote: **_lemonade for sale! 20,000 dollars per cup._**

"Perfect, no wait!" He forgot to make the lemonade. He ran into the house. Darn, he didn't have any lemons, or any ade. He got out some water, yellow food dye, mixed it together and added about five pounds of sugar. He brought it outside, after about 3 hours, a little boy of about seven came up to the stand.

"Hello, young person boy, care for some lemon of the ade?"

The boy nodded.

"That'll be 20,000 bucks."

"I only have 25 cents." said the little boy.

"That's not enough kid, NO LEMONADE FOR YOU!"

The boy started crying, Voldemort was reminded of himself about five minutes ago.

"Okay, kid take some lemonade."

Voldy handed the kid a glass.

The boy took a sip.

"This isn't lemonade! You frign rip off artist!"

The kid threw the glass at Voldy. Well, to sum it all off, there sat Voldy all wet, still needing to find a way to get twenty grand.


	25. The Carpet Matches the Drapes

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Voldy was on his next great idea to make money. So, he had this great idea to make a car wash. There was only one big problem to his perfect plan, the cheerleaders where having a car wash next door. You knew what that means, Voldy only got one costumer who had his car washed like ten times. He kept on asking Voldemort, "If the carpet matched the drapes." Voldemort wondered, _Cars don't have drapes or carpets do they?_

Finally, Voldemort had had enough of this. He was going over and give those cheerleaders a piece of his mind. He walked over to where the girls wear currently spraying each other with a hose.

"Hello, sir, you need a car wash?" asked one of the girls.

"No, I don't need one! I need you to get out of here!" Voldy was trying to keep his temper and keep his mine focused on something other than the cheerleader in their bathing suits.

"Sorry, but we're not leaving." said another girl, who had just walked up.

"Fine, then I'll just have to make you leave," Voldy started reaching for his wand, but before he could, the girls rounded him and started punching and kicking him. He was getting a real beating. One punch hit him so hard he was knocked out.

He woke up with a startle, he was in a hospital bed.

"Aw, Mr. Riddle you're finally up."

"Where am I?" asked Voldemort.

"You're in the emergency room, you got quite a beating." The doctor chuckled, the kind of chuckle that could make any senseable person shot the man doing the chuckling at once.

A nurse came in, and gave Voldy some pain killers. All of a sudden a lightbulb - yes another one- went off in his head. He knew how to get the money. HE WOULD BECOME A NURSE!

**A/N: Okay, to sum it all up Voldy got beat up by a bunch of teenage girls. Some guys get all the luck.**


	26. Al Gore Invented Hospitals

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

**A/N: I'm not trying to make fun of nurses in any way, or Al Gore. Okay, I am making fun of Al Gore.**

After the whole car wash thing, becoming a nurse would be easy. He was released from the hospital later that day. He went straight to the main desk.

"Hello, can I help you?" asked the lady at the counter.

"Yes, you can tell me what I need to do to become a nurse." said Voldy.

"Sure. Are you a human?" asked the lady.

"Well, yes"

"Great, you're now a nurse." said the lady.

"What? You didn't even ask me my name?" This was stranger than Draco/Ginny shippers.

"We don't need that information. All you need is a clipboard, and you can start now." said the lady, she handed Voldemort a clipboard.

Voldy was surprised, this was easier than Paris Hilton. He looked down at the clipboard, there where a bunch of names. The first one was, no, not this guy.

Al Gore was the first name on the list. Well, he had to get the money. Voldy went into the waiting room and called out "Al Gore".

Big Al got up out of a chair set down his copy of _Help The Planet Real Good_. He walked over to Voldemort.

"Hey, Voldy you're a nurse now?" asked Al.

"Yeah," said Voldy, he did not want to get this man started.

"You know, Voldy, I invited nurses." said Al.

_O, no_ here it was again. The All Gore invented the world speech.

"You know Al, we have a lot of people who need help." said Voldemort he wanted to get the hell away from Gore.

"O, okay, let's go Voldy. Since, we are on the subject you know I created people."

"Really, okay, here Al this is your room," Voldemort had lead Al to a vacant room. "The doctor will be with you in a sec."

"Okay, did you know I invented –"

Voldy closed the door before Al Gore could say he created secs.


	27. The Return of the King, oops wrong story

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Voldy looked down at his clipboard for the next name. NO! Albus Dumbledore was the next name on the list. This was bad, but like he said in the last chapter, he needed the money.

Voldy went out into the waiting room. He yelled "Albus Dumbledore" out. Nobody moved, yes, he wasn't here. Late probably or wait dead, yeah, Dumbledore was dead. Ha, take that, just then Voldy heard a noise; it sounded something like an engine. Like a – "O, NO" Voly yelled aloud.

Dumbledore had just came speeding in on a motorcycle. "Voldy, you're a nurse!"

"Well, yes, I need the money." answered Voldy

"O, you should have asked me. I was burning some last night. I love the smell."

"You would of gave me some?" asked Voldemort

"No, but it would have been funny to see you beg." Dumbledore was laughing.

"O, well okay, this way please," Voldy was leading DD to his room.

"So Voldy, you hear Harry and Ginny are getting married?" asked Dumbledore.

Voldemort stopped, his face went stone cold.

"Why, didn't I get an invite?" Voldy asked.

"Ha, Voldemort first of all you killed his parents." DD was laughing, again.

"No, I didn't! That was only in the books that whatever her name wrote!"

"I know, but those Potter fans are crazy, and if they find out that all the characters in the books are real. And that their nothing like the characters in the books. You know like you're a loser, and Ron won the Nobel prize. Also that Hermione is a stripper, and Dean Thomas is the real Half-Blood Prince. They would freak, all hell would brake loose; secondly no one really likes you.

"What, no one likes me?" V was crying.

"Voldy, you didn't know, why do you think you weren't even invited to your own Birthday party?"

"A..." is all V could say.

"See you," and with that DD walked away and found his room on his own.

Voldy snapped, he ripped off all his clothes, he saw a window. He jumped though it, glass shattered everywhere. One thing though, V forgot that he was on the fifth floor.

V woke up with a startle "O, not this again!"

I think you know the rest. Well, to sum it all up for you. V got fired, yes, he got fired, they also said that he would have to pay for the broken window as well, and all his medical bills. So tally up the money he needed, and it came out to 33,000. Okay, but all is not lost. DD out of pity or just because he wanted to see Voldy fail again, gave V a job at Hogwarts. Let me guess, you're wondering what job he got. A Teacher: No. A Care taker: Nope. V was Hogwarts new LUNCHLADY!

Voldy: Hey

O, sorry, lunchman.


	28. Why not Chronicles of Dumbledore?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

Voldy arrived at Hogwarts early the next morning. He had to make it on time to make breakfast for those snot- nosed kids. Also, he had a couple of goals that he wanted to complete when working at Hogwarts:

1. Earn the 23,000

2. Get an invite to Harry and Ginny's wedding

3. If can't do number 2 than get Harry to fall in love with Hermione _(well she is a stripper)_.

4. Win Professor McG.'s heart or at least talk to her

5. Keep his job for more than one chapter

Voldy walked into the castle, Argus Filch was there with Mr. Norris _(it's a guy cat, the books got it wrong)._

"Dumbledore told me to take you to the kit-. What the hell did you do to your head?" Filch was laughing.

"Well, it's called hair you see."

"Whatever, you want to call it. This way" said Filch leading V to the kitchen.

They arrived at the kitchen, Voldemort was amazed their where about 30 or so ladies working there.

"Hello, you must be are new lunchlady" said one of them.

"Lunchman!"

"Whatever, so you are her, I mean him?" asked the lady again.

"Yes, I am." said V.

"Great, I'm J.K, Rowling."

"Really, O! my gosh you're the one who wrote those books!" Voldy had always wondered how a muggle could know about Hogwarts. She was a lunchlady there!

"You know, I have a bone to pick with you. Why did you pick me to be the villain, and not Dumbledore?"

"Simple, I like DD." J.K responded.

"Darn, if only you picked him, it would be Chronicles of Dumbledore."

"I guess so" answered J.K Rowling.


	29. Crazier than Wormtail on bath day!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. **

As Voldy and J.K. Rowling were talking, a loud bell sounded. "O no! Come on, we have to get the students their food, or they're go crazier than Draco/Hermione shippers!" yelled Rowling.

"O, NO! that's crazier than even Draco/Ginny shippers. This is bad!" Voldy yelled back.

All hell broke lose. Their where women running everywhere, making all types of different food. Rowling was running everywhere; she was faster than Wormtail on bath day! J.K Rowling yelled at V to start washing the dirty dishes.

Voldy started to, he was using a long hose like thing. Everything was going fine, in till he lost control of it and it started spraying water everywhere. He got tangled in it and slipped, and got a face full of water. Voldy could hear the students coming down to the Great Hall.

"Hurry up!" yelled Rowling.

"Aw, we'll never get the food up in time." yelled V.

"Yes, we will!"

They worked and worked, V never worked so hard in his life, except maybe on his hair. So, you think everything turned out right. WRONG. See, something bad happen, one of Voldy's blond hairs was found in a student's food. Not just any student but Harry Potter's food.

So poor old Voldy was called sown into DD's office. V walked in, Harry was already there talking with DD and chuckling. I suspect they where making fun of V.

"Aw, Voldy you're here. We need to talk," said DD. "You see one of your hairs got into Harry Potter's food."

"Well, we don't know if it's mine," said V trying to get out of it.

"It's blond."

"That Rowling lady has blond hair, and so does like half the women working down there."

"Yes, but the hair found in the food smelled like lilac kiwi splash." answered DD.

"Darn," said V out loud, see V uses lilac kiwi splash shampoo.

"Yeah, and you thought you would get an invite to Harry's wedding." DD was laughing.

"But, I should of!"

"O Voldy," Harry was talking for the first time in this fanfic. "You're so stupid. No one likes you. Don't you get it, you're a joke. You hair looks like crap!"

Tyler: Ha, finally some one told him!

Voldy: What the hell I thought you liked my hair, I thought it's cool.

Al Gore: I created bad hair.

John Madden: You want some hot dogs? They always chear me up.

Tyler: Why are we doing this?

Voldy: Do you guys really think my hair is bad?

Paris Hilton: Terrible, now who wants to sleep with me.

Harry: I fear this is the worst fanfics ever.

Tyler: Yeah!

Frodo: Where's my frign' ring

Darth Vader: Voldy, I'm you father

Voldy: Really?

Darth Vader: No

Voldy: Oh

Well at least Voldy didn't get fired!


	30. HELP ME!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

Voldy was on his way back to the kitchen when he heard "Voldy wait up". V turned around, it was that Draco kid.

"What do you want," asked Voldy.

"Why?" asked Draco.

"Why, what," V responded.

"Why are you doing this? You used to be cool!" Draco had a weird look on his face.

"Kid, that's only in the books. Don't believe every thing you read."

"But you're cool in other fanfics, some people can't even say your name." said Draco.

"Really?" V was amazed.

"Yeah."

"That's it! I'm done with this fanfic!" V was yelling.

Tyler: No, wait!

Voldy: I'm leaving you!

Tyler: But you're a superstar

Voldy: No, I'm not

Draco: Other fanfics give you free dental care.

Voldy: Really? _(Voldy smiled showing that he was missing four teeth.)_

Tyler: No! Voldy! Don't leave I need you!

Voldy: I hate you.

_Voldy jumped out of the tory._

Tyler: Guys he's really gone. WHY! I have to win his heart back. Or this fanfic is over for good! Maybe I can write him a poem or get him some flowers? HELP ME!


End file.
